Baby, I can see it in your eyes!

· By Team PLEASE

Why eye contact and intimacy are so essential to one another

Eye contact is powerful. This we know. We know that holding someone’s gaze is telling on many levels. We all know how electric even just a moment in someone’s eye can be but let’s take some time to look into it a bit deeper shall we.

Eye contact is a part of our daily lives, subconsciously and not so subconsciously. It plays a huge role in how we understand, communicate and build relationships with others. It is also integral to intimacy, and is a tool we can all learn to utilise better.

We all know the age old saying that eyes are the window to the soul, but the science behind this phrase actually tracks. A 1989 study showed that staring into the eyes of a stranger for even a couple of minutes conjured up mutual feelings of love, proving that eye contact and love are actually strongly linked.

A similar study from 2003 was equally as intriguing in that it found that the longer two people looked into each other’s eyes, the more attractive they became towards one another.
We know that everyday eye contact, whether it’s more intense conversations or mere first impressions, being able to look someone in the eye holds space for earned mutual trust. And trust is one of the most sacred parts of partnership, intimacy and sex.

Eye contact during sex is not everyone’s cup of tea though. Some people find it distracting , others find it makes them shy or nervous and some find it overwhelming. That might be because looking someone deep in the eyes can feel extremely raw and vulnerable.
Which is pretty much what being intimate with someone is about.
So, for some eye contact is actually a huge turn on and so it should be! Being able to look deep into your partner’s soul during such an intimate act? Yes, please.

You see, sexual eye contact is one of the most reliable indicators of love between partners. In fact, the eyes can help us to differentiate between love and lust.
For example, if someone spends more time staring into their partner’s eyes as opposed to their body, this is a strong indication of love rather than just desire.
Also, if you engage in eye contact during intercourse, you’ll have the opportunity to see the size of your partner’s pupils. When someone’s pupils are dilated, it signifies attraction.
But let’s say having a staring contest during sex doesn’t quite float your boat, well that’s totally ok and we encourage many ways to embrace this weather it’s silky blindfolds or lights off. But we do encourage you to give eye gazing a chance.
We highly recommend giving eye gazing a go out of the bedroom before taking in into a sexual encounter. Tantric eye gazing involves two partners sitting opposite each other and staring deeply into each other’s eyes.
There are no other rules or guidelines for this activity besides the obvious: look into your partner’s eyes in a soft gaze and try not to look away. It’s said to bring about a spiritual and sexual connection, even though there is no sex involved.
You could use a timer if you’d like, and start off small with 30 seconds. Gradually, you can increase the time as you become more comfortable with this kind of eye contact intimacy.

So let’s go over some of the benefits of eye contact during sex (as well as out of the bedroom)

  • Increased trust: eye contact during sex builds trust between partners
  • More passion: when eyes are locked during intimacy, it creates a warm, more personable, and passionate experience
  • Uninterrupted focus: when sexual eye contact happens during sex, it shows that a person is really focused on their partner, and that their lover is important to them
  • Connection: spiritually, sexually, mentally, eye contact and love go hand-in-hand. It’s a moment of powerful shared energy that’s near impossible to recreate in a different way


So, hopefully now you feel a bit more informed on the topic of eye contact. And we hope you’re on board. Gaze away fellow pleasers.