Every time another high-profile case of sexual harassment or assault makes the news, the same questions echo:

“Why didn’t she say something sooner ?”
“Why didn’t she report it ?”

If you’re still asking that — you’re asking the wrong question.

The truth is, women have always been saying something. We've been whispering it to each other in bathroom stalls, crying it out in therapists’ offices, hinting at it in poems and tweets and the nervous laughter we use to brush off violations that left a mark. What’s new is that some people are finally starting to listen.

So why don’t more women report? Why the silence?

Because silence was often the safest — or only — option.

It’s Not That Simple

There’s this persistent idea that if something really bad happened to you, you'd obviously tell someone. But trauma isn’t linear, and responses to it rarely make neat, logical sense — especially in a world that still blames victims more often than it holds perpetrators accountable.

Here’s why so many people don’t come forward:

Denial & Minimisation

Many survivors — especially those who’ve been through it before — downplay what happened. It’s easier to believe “it wasn’t that bad” than to admit you were violated. Especially when the world constantly tells you: You’re overreacting. It was just a joke. You should take it as a compliment.

Fear of Consequences

Let’s be real: speaking up can come at a cost. Jobs, reputations, relationships. Many fear retaliation, being branded "difficult", or not being believed. In patriarchal systems, power protects power.

Shame

Shame is abuse’s most loyal sidekick. It tells you it was your fault. That you asked for it. That you should’ve known better. It keeps people silent, isolated, and deeply disconnected from their own sense of self-worth.

A History of Abuse

For those who’ve experienced sexual violence before — especially in childhood — the shame and silence run even deeper. A body that’s been repeatedly disrespected can start to feel like it doesn’t deserve protection. Past trauma reshapes responses. Some freeze. Some dissociate. Some believe they don’t matter enough to make noise. And if they’ve been disbelieved before, why risk going through that again?

As one survivor shared, “I just stood there and let him touch me. I froze. It was like I wasn’t even in my body.”

This isn’t weakness. It’s survival.

The Myth of Empowerment

We live in a moment that talks a lot about empowering women — sending them into boardrooms and into battle, into bedrooms and onto social media with the confidence to take up space and speak their truth.

But what happens when the girl you’ve told she can be anything is groped at her first job interview? What happens when she’s too scared to say no, because she’s been taught that saying no can get you killed — or fired — or worse, disbelieved?

Empowerment slogans won’t save her if the systems still silence her.

So, What Do We Do?

We stop asking why she didn’t report.
We start asking: What made her feel like she couldn’t?
We create a culture where survivors are believed, not interrogated.
We teach kids about boundaries, power, and consent — long before we teach them about sex.
We stop pretending that trauma looks one way.
We stop measuring the validity of a story by how loudly it’s told.
And most of all, we make space for complexity.

Not every survivor will want to report. Not every survivor has to. But every survivor deserves to feel safe, supported, and seen.

To Anyone Who’s Been Silenced

You didn’t overreact.
You’re not being dramatic.
You didn’t “let it happen.”
You were surviving.

If you’re not ready to speak, that’s okay. If you are — we’ll listen.

Because healing looks different for everyone, and so does courage.

Support in South Africa

If you or someone you know needs support, here are some resources:

• Rape Crisis Cape Town Trust – 24-hour helpline: 021 447 9762 | rapecrisis.org.za
  
  
• Tears Foundation – SMS “HELP” to 4357 | tears.co.za
  
  
• LifeLine South Africa – National helpline: 0861 322 322 | lifelinesa.co.za
  
  
• Thuthuzela Care Centres – Holistic survivor services available across SA | justice.gov.za