Being Vulnerable Won’t Shrink Your Masculinity

An open letter to all men.

November always carries weight. It’s the month of Movember, when we talk about men’s mental health, but it’s also the month of marches, shutdowns, purple profiles, and the painful reminders of why movements like #MeToo and Women For Change exist. 

Maybe it’s no coincidence that we’re at the tail end of the Year of the Snake. A time to shed, face uncomfortable truths, and confront what’s been hidden. Snake energy shakes the ground just enough to make us notice what needs attention. It tests us, challenges us, and prepares us for what’s coming: the Year of the Horse, bold, fast, and unafraid. November is bang on time, being that turning point, the moment to reflect, confront, and act before the new year arrives.

Men, this is for you. And yes, we mean all men, not just the ones who think about these things every day, not just the ones who’ve already done some work, and not just the ones who already see the impact of their choices. All men. Because even the ones who are doing their best, still need to pause, reflect, and check in with themselves and with the world they’re part of.

You’ve been taught to “man up,” to suppress feelings, to push through pain, to perform strength at all costs. But here’s the truth: that way of living, that unspoken code of silence, hurts not only the people around you, it hurts you too. It builds walls where there could be connection, frustration where there could be intimacy, and isolation where there could be support.

Vulnerability is not weakness. It’s your responsibility. It’s the courage to look honestly at yourself, to face your feelings, and to step into accountability. A man who can name his emotions, who can ask for help, who can sit with discomfort, is a man who can truly show up for himself, for the people he loves, and for the communities he moves through.

Right now, women across South Africa are pausing, standing still, making visible the weight they carry every day. Movements like #MeToo, the Women For Change shutdown, the purple uprisings are asking men to reflect: what role are you playing in this world? Are you perpetuating harm, even unknowingly? Are you stepping up, speaking out, and taking responsibility? 

And sure, you may think, or want to respond, “not all men.” And yes, it’s true. Not every man is a perpetrator of violence or sexism. But leaning on that phrase as a shield unfortunately misses the point. “Not all men” often derails the conversation, shifting focus from a systemic problem onto individual innocence. It can feel defensive, like a way to disavow personal responsibility, when the real conversation is about patterns, systems, and the culture that allows harm to persist.

Acknowledging that not all men are guilty doesn’t excuse inaction. Being an ally, being a better man, is about facing the reality of these widespread issues, contributing to solutions, and ensuring your actions, habits, and choices never reinforce the problem. You don’t have to carry blame you don’t deserve, but you do have a role in building a safer, fairer world.

Healthy men build safer worlds. When you take care of your mental health, when you allow yourself to feel, to rest, to communicate, to be honest, you create space for better relationships, deeper intimacy, and real human connection. You’re not perfect, and you’re not expected to be. But showing up, intentionally, consistently and consciously, matters.

So this November, let’s make it more than moustaches and hashtags. Let it be about accountability, growth, and courage. Stand up, pause, reflect. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Your vulnerability does not shrink your masculinity! In fact, it expands it. It creates room for change, for healing, and, ultimately, for life to be better for everyone.

And maybe most importantly, being vulnerable might just save a life, yours, or someone else’s.

Team Please

-For men who feel curious about exploring emotional depth, connection, or personal growth, there are organisations such as The ManKind Project that offer structured spaces for this kind of work.

The ManKind Project supports the brilliance of men and are willing to take full responsibility for the pain and suffering men are capable of creating. The ManKind Project fosters a worldwide network of peer-facilitated men's circles and supports men in leading lives of integrity, authenticity, and service.

https://www.mankindproject.co.za/live

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